Dear Endo

Dear Endometriosis,

You have been in my body since I was a young girl. You kept me from going to school some days out of the month. Sometimes I could not hide the pain, or the paleness of my skin due to being ill because of you. There were times I had to force myself to play through pain for softball, because I refused to give up and miss a game. Every young girl dreads her period, but me, I didn't just dread the cramps or the icky feeling. I was terrified I was weak because other girls could go to school while on their periods, but I was curled up in bed like a baby crying applying heat and taking pain meds. I was not weak, but stronger than I had ever imagined. I  didn't know you then, I knew what you felt like, I knew what you were doing to me, but I didn't know you were a coward that hid in my body and masked yourself as my period. I didn't know the Dr was wrong when she said it was "just a bad period" and I needed to "start finding a way to deal with the pain."

I didn't know you were the reason I never became pregnant while not on birth control, or you were the reason I could not carry a baby past 14 weeks when I did become pregnant. Lucky for me, I ended up pregnant with a baby girl that told you to kiss her butt she was going to be born into this world, because she was and is a fighter.

You have not won, you know? You may have temporarily halted my ability to physically be the awesome Mom I have always been, or halted my plans to be in a 5k run for Autism, and you may have kept me from a trip to see family in London. BUT, that is all temporary. You didn't stop me, you couldn't stop me from showing my children love, teaching them through hugs and words, you actually helped me make them stronger, more compassionate young souls. You didn't stop me from running, you just put it on hold for now, you didn't stop me from visiting family, it is just put off a little longer. You didn't win.

Today you may have had me close to breaking, but I didn't break did I? Sure, I became frustrated with the constant vomiting, cramps that felt like child labor, headache, pain in my body that feels like someone has zip tied all my organs together and are twisting them for their pleasure. BUT  I didn't break. I am still here, of sound mind, breathing through the pain, nursing my body and letting it rest. Because you may have stopped me from doing the laundry, or stopped me from driving to the store, but you didn't stop me from laughing, from enjoying a day with my children, or from chatting with my Endo sisters. You didn't stop me, and you never will. You can throw everything you have at this girl, and I promise you, I will throw it back at you full force. I will laugh, I will sing, I will smile, and even dance (however uncoordinated it may be) and I will LIVE, because I will FIGHT.

Anything you prevent me from doing is only temporary, because no one, and nothing stops me from doing anything.

I will take back my physical abilities, I will take back my body, and I will never give you my heart to break or my spirit to tarnish. I have you, you don't have me. Remember that, I have an army of support, awesome pain medications, and an unlimited supply of fight. Bring it, I will win, every damn time.

Love,
Girl who has been fighting you for 24 years

To all my endo sisters.. FIGHT and fight this dreaded disease with everything you have. If you run out of spoons I will share any I have!