I'm not sick, I have a chronic disease.

I am not running a fever, I do not have a cough. I am not weak because I was up all night with a stuffy head or nose. To look at me, you would not know anything was wrong with me. You can't see these diseases, you can't witness what they do to me.

Why do I say the above? Because, I am sick of hearing that I am sick, or I am "not right" or I am "weak". Let me assure you, I am in pain, yes, but I continue my daily life as much as possible without complaining. I get up, I shower, I take my children to school, I work if I am able, I attend pool workouts and physical therapy. I may move just a bit slower, but chances are, I will keep up with you. Why? Because it is what I do, it is how I am. I refuse to slow down, I refuse to stop doing something I love because you see me as "ill" or as "weak".

I do all the daily things you do, I simply do them with pain that sometimes drops me to my knees. But I continue, I don't give up, I don't give in. I am not weak, I am strong. I am stronger than those that have no mountains to climb daily, and who can get from point A to point B without feeling their insides are being twisted in barbed wire.

Pain. The nurses at the ER will ask you "On a scale of 0 to 10, what is your pain level?" And you answer with your number so they can assess your urgent need for pain intervention. When I go to the ER and they ask me that question, my number is always lower than what they would expect. The racing heart, the sheen of sweat on my body, the high pulse tells them I am in excruciating pain. Yet, to me it is not horrible, it could be worse. Why? Because I am used to this pain. It is daily, it is nightly, it does not end.  Why do I do everything I can to hide the pain? Well like every woman with this damned disease, we don't want your pity. We don't want your "understanding". We just want to live our lives, the best we can, without judgment. Weak. Not even close. I've had a child, all natural, and I would do that everyday for the rest of my life, than to feel this pain. Yet, I still function in life.

I hate, HATE, being treated differently, I hate admitting I have these two diseases. Endometriosis and IC are horrible, painful, and no one can do anything to help. But call me weak, think of me as needing pity and I will blow up at you. I don't want your pity, I don't want you looking at me as though I might fall apart if you touch me.

I am tired of being told that people think I am weak. I'm angry right now. Very angry. I am sick of the bullshit. I am sick of needles, of ER visits, of Dr visits, of PT, of insensitive assholes.  It is not okay to dismiss me, or any woman with this in her life, as simply "weak,sick, not right". How dare you!

I have my support team, I have amazing Dr's to help me. I have days when I want to scream at the top of my lungs in anger over everything. I accept this is my life, I accept I will never feel 100% better and pain free. But that does not mean I have given up. It simply means, I'm living my life to the fullest, and my life happens to include two chronic pain diseases. They are not my life, they are just a part of my life. If you can't see that, then step away and make room for those that do and can.

It's truly that simple, if you make my life more complicated, well you have to go, because things are complicated enough. Rant over.