On The Path To Healing

While endometriosis currently lacks a cure, I have, since September 2013, taken many steps to help lessen the pain. My journey has not just been physically damaging, it has been emotionally damaging as well.

Learning of different diagnosis, on top of the already endo and adeno, was very scary. But at each turn I kept telling myself, " I can do this, it was always there, I just didn't know it had a name." The most frustrating parts, are the illnesses caused by the treatment of the endo. Lupron, hysterectomy, surgery (times three) and procedures. Now I am step by step getting better, getting stronger. During my hysterectomy and excision in the last year, I have lost a lot of core strength. That is partly why I am going to physical therapy, I am also hit with Greater trochanteric bursitis, bone density loss, and blood supply loss to the bones. I am working in PT to strengthen my core, to keep my hips in the right position and keep my pelvis from tilting, or twisting again. I am also trying to rid myself of Iliotibial Band Syndrome. Once I get these things completed, life will be much easier to manage.

It truly helps that my physical therapist has a sister and her mother who have endo and adeno, so she is so sweet, so understanding and when I groan from pain, she says, "Keep going, or quit today?" My reply is always "Let's make this my bitch." She smiles and she keeps pushing me until I am ready to fall from exhaustion. It is a good thing. Many would stop, afraid to hurt me more, or out of pity. I don't want pity, I want LIFE.

So PT twice a week, everyday at home, and water therapy three days a week. Continuing my diet to try and limit things that set off my endometriosis and my IC. But more than just working on getting my physical well being back, I am working on getting my emotional back as well.

What those who are closest to me know, is how much trauma, emotionally I have been through since September of 2013. I am just now starting to talk about the full extent of what all had taken place. I spoke openly about the loss of my cousin, who was essentially my twin growing up. She as brutally murdered by her abusive boyfriend. Then, the extremely painful loss of my Morgan to cancer early July. I never dreamed how much that would hurt. I felt as though I lost my own child. So much has been effected by her death. Death, what a final word to speak. Going to football games has lost it's excitement for me, it was where I met her, where I spent time with her. I sit in my seat in the stadium, and find myself looking where she should be, and she is not. I attend PT at the hospital where she spent, well most of her life, and where she passed away. I am still trying to make my world stop spinning from this loss.

The rest of the emotional pain, I still do not speak out loud to many, though some of you have been wonderful in listening, and advising on the matter. I truly appreciate those that have. I am still coming to grips with the reality of the last year, but I am trying to face it all head on. But that is rather difficult.

The last week, I have been told something that I guess I needed to hear. "I understand." Those two words were very powerful. Not that no one has said that, but it is usually followed by more words of how to get over it, to get better and such. This was very simple. "I understand." I am grateful to this person for their addition in my army of supporters. Not people who sugar coat things, or lie to me, but people who understand and help when it's needed.

So the message today is.. I am healing. I am going to be okay. I am making Endometriosis and all other diseases my bitch.