Walking the path

I've held off writing for a few days. My Dr's appointment Thursday confirmed some worries. There seems to be a lot of "missing" information in my medical records regarding my hysterectomy and one ovary removal in September. My new Dr is starting to understand why I interviewed him before allowing him to examine me or make any decisions on my health. He was very different this time. Last time he didn't have my medical records yet, so he just had a woman in his office stating she had endometriosis and wanted help because it was too painful.

He was very kind, very helpful and he was very informative about what we could do, but ultimately left it up to me. He read my pain journal, I showed him how little of the pain meds I had actually used, I wanted him to see I do everything I can before resorting to that. He listened to everything I had to say, and he replied with compassion. Not just in his words but in his voice I could hear the empathy he felt. I was much more comfortable.

He followed as I explained it feels like my entire pelvis is being wired together and can't move correctly. That I can be semi okay, then walk down the hallway and my hip give out and I can't move. I told him about laying in bed with cramping in my lower pelvic area with extreame pain in my vagina and bottom. I actually started crying as I opened myself up and told him in detail exactly how it felt, something I don't do. It just seemed to make it so real, telling him, saying it outloud. I am so confused how I went from being so damned active to being unable to take a trip to the store without pain hitting.

He agrees, taking the ovary out would likely be a tremendous help, for the time being at least. But first, he wanted to get the records from the hospital where my surgery was done, so he can see exactly what was done, and plan his route of removing the ovary, and all the endo, and adhesions he can without causing too much scar tissue. Then he wants to monitor my condition, menopause after the surgery and give at little HRT as possible to give the endo no reason to spread or grow or be active. He also asked many questions and came to the same conclusion my GP had come to. Either Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis. So, surgery first, then off to the GI to diagnose which is causing my other issues.

While walking me out, he put his arm around me and said "You are a strong woman, and this will be a fight, but we will fight it together." I dried the tears and walked out to the waiting room where Cyan and Thomas waited.

Since the Lupron is wearing off, I'm feeling a lot of the endo pain. Everyday, and I am about to remove the ovary myself, yeah I know, not smart. But still, the idea is there.

I return to the Dr the 27th, then he will schedule my surgery, and we move from there. I'm a lil worried. I just had major surgery in September, not enough time to forget the awful pain after waking up. But we are warriors, we endo sisters. And I will be okay, and I will walk that long recovery road and add the purple to my yellow for CD or UC. Forward I go, down the path of hope, and a bit of fear. But mostly, I'm ready for this walk, I'm ready for this surgery and I'm ready to be pain free, even if it does not last forever. A break would be fine with me.

I won't pretend the idea of all this is easy, I won't even pretend I didn't feel a little defeated when he told me I needed a diagnosis of CD or UC. Another chronic pain disease. But, I pulled myself together and reminded myself, it's still life and I'm not fighting for the right to breathe. Just some pain relief.

I will keep this updated as I can. I just needed some time to wrap my mind around what is going to happen and getting prepared for it all.